There is such a lack of understanding of the human mind and body and nervous system in our culture. That really messes us up. A classic example here is telling someone to “calm down”. When a loved one is crashing out over something, saying “calm down” is a really horrible idea bound to make things worse. Most of us have recognized this, but we don’t understand why. After an upsetting or dangerous incident, humans reset and regain their sense of safety by reconnecting with their community. As we are pack animals we are wired for connection as we know that our safety depends on our connections. When someone tells us to “calm down” or “just don’t think about it” etc. that signals disconnection. It is dismissive of our concerns and signals that we do not have anyone who understands or will help… our nervous system goes into panic mode! If you really do want to help someone to calm down, instead try saying “tell me about it.” That signals that they have someone with them who will understand and maybe even help. “Calm down” signals distance and lack of understanding and alarms the nervous system. “Tell me about it” signals connection and calms the nervous system.