We also have the default relays, that we include and fallback to. And we only session-block, so all they have to do is hard-refresh, to retry blocked relays.
But we don't have the Tor issue, that's true.
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Yep, the code now is all reactive. If I get any new relay list from the user or any follow, it automatically switches to the new relays. But it also keeps listening at all times. So if you are looking at a reply of a thread, we are connected to the inbox relays of all visible authors to download any like, reply to each of their posts. At the same time, we are connected to all relays in the outbox of all the users follows to pick up any new report from a follow about these replies (or reply likes. Etc).