careful not to jump around like, ok that was easy, now I want 'private groups'. lol. There is no such thing. By definition when you 'make it private' well.. that means it has to determine who can read and write.
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WhiteNoise does private groups and should work well with public relays. Non-group-members should learn nothing about group conversation or whether a message is from one group or another. Other standards use less crypto but promise privacy through relays keeping details private. I clearly prefer the former approach.