The way Nostr works is that apps MUST connect with ALL relays declared by your follow's outbox lists. Otherwise, you will be missing their posts. That's by design of Nostr. You can block relays you don't like, though. But we will never centralize the app in just a few relays.

I don't think it's accurate to say apps MUST connect to every relay declared by the people I follow. NIP-65 says clients SHOULD use a user's write relays when downloading their events. That's a recommendation, not a protocol requirement. What I'm asking for is user choice. Give me an option like "Only use my configured relays," with a warning that I may miss posts from people who don't publish to those relays. I'm perfectly fine with that tradeoff. LFL already uses this approach. It only pulls events from the relays I've explicitly configured, so I'm not suddenly ingesting spam from hundreds of relays I never approved. Outbox discovery can remain the default for people who want it. I just don't think a Nostr client should force my device to connect to hundreds of third-party relays without giving me the option to restrict it.

Most apps just centralize everything in their own relays. That's how they make nostr work. Not us. You can add proxy relays in the relay list, that will disable outbox for the feed. But usually people regret doing that because they miss a lot of posts.

I'm not asking Amethyst to centralize anything. I just want the choice to only use the relays I've added myself. I understand I'll miss some posts, and I'm fine with that. I'd rather miss a few posts than pull spam from hundreds of relays I never added. The relay system is terrible in nostr. You need to think smarter and be more creative and not follow the crowd because now my amethyst is full of spam

Then use the proxy relay setting. The option has been there for two years.

ok I will try it and see how it goes

I do not give permission for relays to hold my notes if I haven't specified them in my relay list.

Lol, that will never work. By definition each client is holding your notes and can rebroadcast anywhere their user wants them to, including private relays that you will never see.

I don't care. I'm asserting my rights as Data Owner.

You might need to study the legal notion of implied license. This has been tested multiple times in the courts already. Property vs. Copyright: Legally, the email content is not considered "property" in the traditional sense; rather, it is a literary work protected by copyright law upon creation. While you are the author and hold the copyright, the recipient receives a copy and typically gains an implied license to use, store, or share that content unless a prior agreement (like an NDA) restricts this.

You might need to speak to your lawyer.

I just did. I sent your post to him :)

This is exactly why pubky.tech is going to overtake Nostr.

lol.