So you have missed what submission means, although I have worded that the best as I could muster. A man to be a virtuous leader looks at the cross and understands the greatest love of all, to guide him to be the family's leader. His wife will know that and both will be devoted to sainthood. You will always miss that if you are: a) looking for a man lacking those virtues, b) aiming to be self-sufficient and proud of yourself at every turn.