Shouldn’t *really* matter if you implement deletes properly in clients. Clients should make note the note was deleted anytime it sees the delete note

Yes! You can’t stop technological development. If you don’t do it, someone else will.

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Is relay etiquette for the relay to delete the note or for the relay to just mark it delete requested? I know you can’t count on it, but are relays told what proper etiquette is with handling those?

It should delete it but keep the delete note, so that clients can pull down the delete note and then mark it deleted locally.