@cloud fodder has
wss://auth.nostr1.com
but i haven't played around with it much as I've been pretty happy with DMs over KeyChat (which does have an auto delete setting for messages).
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Really? auto-delete from the keychat inbox relay?
Probably not very clear but I wanted to mention, all nostr1 relays support NIP17 by default and it can't currently be turned off. This was to support the nostr DM ecosystem. So that means, any nostr1 relay can be used as private inbox, though it's more private (best practice) if the relay has NIP42 auth turned on like auth.nostr1.com does. Usually it's better to have a relay dedicated to this, as the NIP42 auth gets in the way of more 'normal' relay operations like open readability.
Anyway, just FYI, lemme know if this seems lame I can think about turning it off by default .. I was waiting for the adoption to grow.