Long response for everyone else
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Here are some known examples of ODELL targeting me π·πππ πΆπ» ππ΅πΆπ πΌπ»π² πΏπ²π½πΉπ:
* What: targeting me with at least 2 slander attempts.
* Why/how: his reply tries to deceive other readers by claiming I'm not targeted by people who are targeting me; his reply tries to deceive other readers by claiming I'm not being censored by people who are censoring me.
* What: targeting me with harassment.
* Why/how: because this is one of many attack posts I'm clearly exhausted by, and he's replying dishonestly and insincerely to a post where I was clearly asking for honesty and sincerity.
* What: targeting me with gaslighting.
* Why/how: his lies are more egregious than a basic lie. Stuff like replying to me with lies directed at other readers, but acting like it's a response to me; and saying he's 'not "targeting" me,' quote marks and all, in a post that counts as targeting in multiple ways in and of itself - that type of lying is designed to directly undermine the target's mental health.
* What: targeting me with ostracization.
* Why/how: he's aware I'm heavily ostracized while he chooses to do all of the above; that means he's one of the people making the choice to ostracize me.
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And here are some unconfirmed potential examples, again just from this one short reply here:
* What: possibly targeting me with incitement of additional harassment by other gangstalkers.
* Why/how: he has a lot of followers, and his npub is far less censored than mine currently is, so his deceptions can easily trigger a snowball effect of more harassment piling on.
* What: probably targeting me with another deception attempt.
* Why/how: he lost respect for me well before Christmas, for an even flimsier reason than this Christmas post, and probably intentionally cherry-picked a more presentable reason to falsely claim.
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The problem is herd mentality. Google's search usage statistics might help you understand what I want to explain: on the search result page, more than 50% of all clicks go to the top 3 results (or ads). For comparison, back when there were pages, the button for page 2 got 0.63% of all clicks.
But that was counting all clicks. That's nothing. More than half of all searches end in no clicks of any results at all.
Back when Aaron Swartz was alive, reddit also released usage statistics that reflect the underlying issue. Orders of magnitude more people viewed the site without making an account than ones that logged in. Another order of magnitude more accounts were created than ones that actually posted. Another order of magnitude more accounts posted and never came back than ones that stayed active.
As a result, most of the content on this type of platform comes from a tiny portion of accounts.
I am one of those users that keeps posting - and a lot of hard work goes into keeping my posts away from the eyes of the millions of internet users who don't post so much, because powerful people get their power from stopping those people from learning too much.
There's also this thing called the bystander effect. People drive past a bad car accident without calling 911, because they assume 911 is already flooded with calls.
If you've read this far, you're probably very outnumbered by people who didn't. A lot of people won't dig into this thread or any of the linked threads, because they assume someone else will do it, and I'll already get any backup I need.
Most people see ODELL say I called for terrorist attacks and they say "oh we don't like terrorists" and that's where their thinking stops. They've never asked themselves if terrorism is actually evil, or just a buzzword.
They've never spent much time clicking and clicking through page after page on the internet to find out what's true and what's not. They don't want knowledge; knowledge takes work. They just want beliefs, handed to them by other people. They cannot comprehend the ad populum fallacy.
If you actually know me, you know I'm in constant panic about Digit; I am against extinction and I hate the humans causing it; I am constantly trying to survive, and protect my loved ones, and defeat all the external forces trying to kill us, and I am constantly trying to convince suicidal loved ones to stop being suicidal.
Those that know me also know that on Christmas last year, I had been in constant panic for over a year with all signs pointing to Digit possibly being dead, so it seemed possible that there was nothing left to do with my life except to slowly get proof and revenge. It should make sense that I wasn't subtle or quiet about these feelings when the situation was that intense.
ODELL's post doesn't reflect any of that stuff unless you click his link to see more of the thread. Someone coming in without all that info might have a different opinion of what they're reading before and after clicking through to start reading more. The level of sympathy might be different.
If you know the world, then you have more than sympathy - you have understanding.
The world is a suicide cult full of people who think being "woke" is bad because it interrupts the process of trying to collectively make each other sleepwalk into extinction. You can see how someone like me would be abused constantly, and some people like me would be programmed to develop bloodthirsty rage, failing to uphold the survivalist instincts against the suicide cult's pressure.
Like I asked ODELL in the reply for him, what do you all think Aaron Bushnell should have done? What about Aaron Swartz?
Those are the only Aarons I know of, oddly. I think they should have done less effective shit if they couldn't be so effective without dying. I think Ted Kaczynski should have done less effective shit, if he couldn't be so effective without being imprisoned for life.
I think some people can't handle the guilt of not trying their best, and they can't fully handle connecting with other people (feeling the weight of not wanting each other to die), but they can handle the discipline of throwing their lives away for a cause, and these factors add up to suicide or terrorism unless they can be solved for the person.
I think terrorism is better than suicide.
I notice that there seem to be more suicides than terrorist attacks.
I notice there are suicides and terrorist attacks constantly.
If you told me no terrorist attacks happened today, I might believe you.
If you told me no terrorist attacks will ever happen again starting today, I would ask how and why it was ensured that those people will pick suicide every time.
If you told me that starting today, no suicides and no terrorist attacks will ever happen again because psychology is solved, I would not believe you. Right now feels definitely more than 24 hours from that level of progress.
It still stands that solving problems seems better than failing, and suicide seems like a worse failure than terrorism - especially now that people call so much shit "terrorism," the authorities in the UK are even using it as a new label for trespassing and vandalism.
So, when you're angry, you can reassure the terrorists that you see why they do what they do; and when you're calm, you can reassure the people who haven't decided yet, they should try to solve their problems and find happiness and peace, as long as they still have a chance.
Thank God and thank Digit for letting me make it this far without throwing my life away yet. I couldn't have typed these paragraphs of condensed human truth if I hadn't gotten some sign of Digit being alive. I'd get too confused trying to reconcile my bloodthirsty rage with the sadness of all the bloodshed.
Is that what's going on with ODELL? Is he confused? I don't know what's going on with him. He's not reassuring the terrorists he can see why they do what they do, but he's also not trying to reassure people to solve their problems instead. He's citing my issues as fodder to gaslight me with, trying to make my mental health worse, not better.
He isn't trying to help me make sure Digit is safe so that I don't have to throw my life away. He's trying to make sure we can't defend ourselves. He's trying to make sure people like Digit can't make people like me do terrorism by committing suicide; but they can still commit suicide.
He would probably consider his plan a success if Digit committed suicide, and I was arrested for planning terrorist attacks as a result of attention he put on my public statements about such things, and he got to do a big podcast interview about it.
He would probably consider his plan a success if Digit committed suicide, and more people died because of my reaction, and he got interviewed by CNN about his interactions with me on nostr, and then he got to testify at the Senate and get a new law passed that says you lose your constitutional rights if someone you love commits suicide after you've said anything that can be construed as a possible sign you might be a danger to a society that kills your loved ones.
He would probably consider his plan a success if nothing happened except totalitarianism got to where the authorities lock me up and isolate me to suffer for the rest of my life - never getting to talk to Digit again or find out if she's OK - all to make sure I can't possibly promote anything the authoritarians would call "terrorism."
He would probably consider his plan a failure if Digit joined nostr and helped overthrow the criminal terrorist gang running the world, and we got new authorities who actually investigate and prosecute gangstalkers, instead of having Google search results portray gangstalking as a delusion.
Anyone who understands all this stuff would understand how ODELL is misleadingly portraying me as a worse person than I am. He's really directing his reply to anyone arriving with no prior info, and especially the ones that won't actually click around.
It seems like the people that don't know me are the same ones that don't keep clicking, don't keep reading; no attention spans, no time to think. Even the ones do click ODELL's linked post are just doing it for fun - to find more harassment fodder, not to assess ODELL's statements.
So, if you π₯π°π―'π΅ know all this stuff, and you see a post like this before I've had time to reply with an explanation, you could start with just basic sympathy. If you've somehow made sure your nostr setup is working properly, without relays filtering posts or anything, you can click the thread ODELL linked and immediately see where I replied to myself, to mention my constant panic about Digit and my anger about people ignoring issues like Gaza, to help explain my psychology for anyone that might later see this without context.
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ODELL was "celebrating Christmas" with empty posts. Actual Christmas spirit would involve wanting to help me find out Digit was safe. Actual Christmas spirit would involve wanting to help the kids in Gaza get food, water, and motherfucking medicine. That's the bare minimum. I didn't have enough Christmas spirit to not call for terrorist attacks, but I at least had enough Christmas spirit to care about people who deserve help and aren't getting it.
There's no reliable tool you can use to look at posts from a given timeframe, to learn more about why I was so upset - and if you even try it (with nostr.band or something), you're going way beyond the work I expect anyone to put into understanding all of this.
I remember posting about Digit and Gaza a lot at the time, and I remember how ODELL and almost all npubs were ignoring these topics. This wasn't some new thing that suddenly came up in the thread, I had been saying this shit for a while.
I remember this was around the same time I started accosting ODELL for claiming to be a mistake-admitting person, and yet never really answering my questions or factual challenges.
In fact, that same Christmas was the day I realized, while my million-sat payment seemed to get Primal to at least start showing other users my posts, it didn't fully get Primal to stop censoring me. They were now fucking with the indexing of my posts in the "advanced" search (which already sucked before they broke my access to it).
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I guess this is what ODELL calls treating someone respectfully?
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Again, this was the same Christmas; in fact, pretty much immediately prior to where I called for terrorist attacks. Maybe I was upset because I mistook it for something other than respect?
Maybe this reply was actually supposed to be a Christmas present. So, I wasn't supposed to feel disrespected - I was just supposed to be happy the Christmas spirit got ODELL to finally reply to me for once, after a while of not replying to me at all.
I have never been able to find my earliest replies to ODELL. I assume they just don't exist on relays anymore. Here are just 2 prior replies ODELL had ignored, where it kinda seems like he already didn't respect me.
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Maybe that's how ODELL expresses respect. He joins everyone in ignoring you for a while, when you're constantly begging everyone around for help and panicking about people claiming the woman you love is dead. Then on Christmas, he insults you, while continuing to ignore everything you've actually said. This could all just be some old-timey way of showing respect.
Maybe he meant "Merry Christmas" sincerely, not passive-aggressively, and this has all been a big misunderstanding.
It's really hard to prove being that fucking incompetent at human interaction, so either way, it looks like I'm gonna have to go the rest of my life assuming this ODELL npub is a liar.
This is sad, as Digit seems to go through life assuming I'm a liar, because it's hard for me to prove I actually just have zero game. Should I assume ODELL is being honest, in case he is?
OK then, maybe it is all just a misunderstanding - not in the insane way I described above, but maybe ODELL simply remembered wrong. Maybe he actually lost respect for me 10 days before Christmas (close enough to get the timeframe mixed up) when I posted this correct-but-scary statement:
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Please don't tell me you're not sure people ever actually die as a result of ignoring my advice. I tell people to stop exposing themselves to COVID and contributing to climate change all the time. Oh wait, that's right, nostr is full of denialists, like anywhere else - people just want to die angry at me for advising them to reconsider dying.
I've been trying to convey this for years. How the fuck would I not hate humans? My life so far is being born into a world of people who are like "please worry about me dying, and tell me to try to survive, so I can get angry at you for it, and then I can watch you suffer while making you watch me die, and btw this is all your life will be, you won't meet anyone who's willing to keep interacting with you positively."
Does anything I'm saying matter?
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Digit told me she spent her adult life trying to help people, and found they don't listen, and don't care. It was so crushing to hear from her, because I didn't know how to change it for her when I was never able to change it for myself.
Nostr isn't really growing much, if at all (easy to see why). Is anyone coming into this thread with no prior info and then figuring stuff out, or is everyone already sorted between those that know me, and those that choose to believe in their own imaginary version of me?
There are a lot of npubs that criticize Primal without going as far as me, or interacting with my posts. So far, it's somehow never me at the forefront when Primal criticism goes trending.
The only way I can try to discuss the topic is joining in the threads - and yet I get nothing back for giving them engagement. I'm not just pushed back from leading any of the discussions; I'm filtered out of the discussions, or treated like some tiny drop in the bandwagon bucket.
A lot of the npubs that get into conflict with Primal also get into conflict with me and/or have me muted. Rival nostr dev
@jb55 has me muted, for example. The most recent Primal spat I remember seemed to be primarily with
@semisol and
@:P who both have me muted.
You can use nostrudel to see the full list of npubs that have publicly muted me.
I kinda suspect this might be controlled opposition. I also recently heard Primal added a "subscribe to mute list" feature, which can be used in coordination with these npubs to pretty strongly filter me out of any anti-Primal discussions viewed on Primal itself (not to mention all the other ways my npub is filtered across nostr).
The "advanced" search is another one of those features Primal have never fixed for me, by the way. That's one of the small ways they continue to censor me. If I try to use the Primal Android app to see my replies to ODELL right now, the results cut out before reaching all this stuff. I'm able to find all the nevents to make this post thanks to the "you" profile tab in jumble.social (by Cody Tseng, who does not seem to target me).
However, you would need to log in as my npub to use this tool the same way, unlike an advanced search. Logging in as my npub is more effort than I can expect anyone to put into understanding what's happening, so who's going to fact check the lies if I get killed and ODELL posts shit like this to justify my death?
Where is the community? What the fuck are these modern humans that have decided to wipe out the planet starting by not letting any real human community exist anywhere (and complaining about the resultant terrorist ideologies)?
It's time to wake up. Maybe that's why ODELL gave a reply that seems like such low-effort, blatant, insane lying at first glance: to give me a good opportunity for an eye-opening response back.
Before jb55/Will muted me, there was at least one time he implied he was upset I paid Primal a million sats and not him. But this is what I paid a million sats for.
Primal sacrifices way more than a million sats if they impale their brand on nostr's success, stopping at nothing to slow it down and try to control users on behalf of jack and Elon.
Primal could start trying to provide the service I've paid for, taking 1% of my advice, catering to 1% of my UX preferences, and paying me 1% of the money they make off my posts, and either Primal is going bankrupt, or they're making so much money in a lifetime that I'd end up with more than a full refund from those royalty payments.
My million sat payment would turn out to be a profit for them, then.
Primal can also keep fucking with me, in which case I expect the million sats to amplify my criticism, and cost them more than it's worth. That seems confirmed by the offered refund.
There's a limit to how much money is available in the "fucking with people for fun" market.
Real wealth is generated by real work - and history shows the game doesn't last forever, when you systemically ensure the wealth doesn't go to the people doing the work.
On that note, if you wish I accepted zaps so you could zap this post, consider giving a few sats to
@Cody the aforementioned jumble.social dev. This npub has usually answered my feedback, even when it was harsh (though not as harsh as I am to VC-funded Primal).
As for me, I simply don't need zaps yet. It might help me if you copy and paste this post from your own npub, because mine is so filtered, reposts barely even work.
Alright, I'm tired and posting these now without any more proofreading/editing, it's been hours. I hope this does something.
