Depends what kind of love. Marital love? Yes respect is a prerequisite. And yes it’s conditional… both ways. Love for a child? Different story.

interesting. why would it be different?

It’s unconditional for your child

do you think marital love can be unconditional?

Not in a healthy way. There’s conditions: communication, no abuse, mutual respect, empathy… etc. From those conditions you can build something beautiful, spiritual and more unique than most people understand. But it’s not a parent child relationship. Or at least it shouldn’t be. At its best- it’s a healthy adult to healthy adult relationship.

thanks for all the answers~! :3 i think i follow to me, as imperfect people, we won't always meet those conditions. should love be withdrawn once those conditions become unmet? how do apologies and forgiveness tie into conditional or unconditional love? hmmm, i think i'm starting to get off topic >_>

We can’t always be perfect. Love doesn’t need to be withdrawn at every little error- but gentle reminders and communication help the other person know where they are. Forgiveness within reason is of course necessary. There needs to be flexibility. It’s an underlying somewhat silent set of conditions (if things are going reasonably well). Infinitely complex.

"infinitely complex" <3

since you shared so much, let me share where i'm coming from with this. like i mentioned earlier, we aren't perfect. sometimes my Wife will do or say something that gets me to *feel* disrespected. in the past, this would cause me to withdraw (drawing boundaries), which would escalate the tension. now, despite feeling hurt and disrespected, i continue to stay close, i continue to pour love into Her, i choose to stay loving. because i know that She loves me. i still feel loved by Her. the end result is that She ends up acknowledging what happened, making amends, and respecting me more for staying consistent and connected. i'm not sure if this is a result of the dynamic we share or emotional maturity, or something else. but it makes made me wonder about the relationship between feeling respected and feeling loved. @earthcuddle just because you shared with me too thanks, gentlemen~! <3

I will also add, that I will only act, present myself in a certain matter towards you, if and only you tick a box in my mind as how you should operate and behave. This is in my humble opinion conditional and very unhealthy. @npub166hl...0thf said it beautifully how in his connection love is being fed and nourished by holding space for the other when things get messy ( putting abuse aside, that's a fat no). We are all inperfect and with flaws, if we just disconnect and retreat every time something goes not accordingly with our expectations, there is no room for growth and expansion inside a connection. If we retrieve love if someone does not act how we wish, want or expect, that in itself is IMHO, abuse.

@Surrealistic Menina this is such a great insight~! i think many of us have a transactional view of relationships because we never really had good examples. and when two people inside a loving relationship are giving to each other, we mistake it for transaction. but one doesn't give *because* the other has given—one gives because he/she *loves*. the intention is felt. in the past, when i would withdraw, my inner narrative was something like: "i'm not yelling, i'm not abusing. i hurt. i need space." but what my Wife *experienced* was abuse and a type of betrayal. that disconnection, whether intentional or not, was weaponized and compounded with poor communication skills. it wasn't until i finally understood how to love that i could consistently fulfill my role in the relationship—to stay aligned with Her. this necessitates maintaining a loving connection, even though hurt, misunderstandings, failures, etc.

Hey thanks for engaging thoughtfully🙏🏼. I never got a chance to respond to @npub166hl...0thf's last message. I’m quite a busy guy and I can only engage so far in these online discussions before I’m needing to move back into IRL/work/etc (which happens to include being present with my amazing wife 😉). I think in order for us to find common ground we should avoid extremes. To me, the version of conditional that you put forth there is an extreme. I agree: the way you put it sounds abusive. So let’s think of it as a spectrum from rigidly conditional (unhealthy) to self-destructively unconditional (also unhealthy). Somewhere between the extreme conditional and unconditional is “healthy adult boundaries”. You said it yourself: abuse is a hard no. Ok great, that’s a healthy boundary. IMO there’s lots of room within a set of reasonable healthy adult boundaries to have a deep, spiritual, kind, and forgiving relationship where you lean into one another instead of withdraw when things aren’t perfect. That’s not rigidly conditional, and it’s also not completely unconditional because there are lines both partners know they can’t cross no matter the emotional state. To bring it full circle, in my opinion, it’s deep respect that keeps those boundaries in place as we navigate the beautiful emotional messiness of bonding with a life partner.

this is a wonderful explanation here. i think there is some overlap in each perspective. @Eric FJ 🪬⚡️, do you think the conditions structure the relationship? for me (and perhaps @Surrealistic Menina as well? though i don't want to speak for her), i think the connection structures the relationship more so. idk i really appreciate the time taken for this discussion. ^^

thank you ^^ and spot-on analysis. not only do the definitions vary, but they will most likely change over time. i appreciate your addition to the conversation, Cristalina. :3