i would think less of someone who looked down on someone for crying 😾

i was told this is "common knowledge," but i don't think i've ever met a woman who would feel that way. like, i'm sure some women do, but i don't think it's "common." but idk

The absolute opposite. Love and respect to someone, especially a man, that can connect with their emotions and allow themselves to feel. Happy tears, sad tears, emotional tears altogether. I think the only exception for me is when I've experienced manipulative crying, but even then I didn't lose respect. On the other hand, I lose respect for women who can't tolerate or see weakness in a man crying 😂

They lose attraction from seeing it, which is the most important thing you need them to have for you. Sure, women will say they want a more emotionally sharing man, because that's the socially acceptable answer, but in reality, that's not what they desire. They want a protector, not a cry buddy.

i tend to believe this is how most women feel. that's a really good point about manipulative crying. that's kinda why i think context matters. thanks for sharing, as always, Juls~! :3

hmmm this has no been my experience at all. but i've only been with one Woman... i would say that the times i've cried didn't have an intention or energy of "fix me please," but more of "this is how i feel. i will not hide it from You." these moments brought us much closer together.

Yeah your relationship is truly some fairy tale exception to the general rule 😂

>_< maybe it's an exception or maybe it's the general rule for a healthy relationship masculinity is emotional

No. It's really rare, tho. Would be weird if he got all weepy on a regular basis. I don't need the competition.

I have a grab bag of experiences in this. My first serious boyfriend would often cry but it was purely manipulative because he knew I'd forgive him and stop talking about his misdeed if he acted remorseful. At the time I didn't lose respect for him but in hindsight 🙄 I think on it and lose respect for myself 😅 My second serious boyfriend I only saw cry a few times, for example when his family dog died and other appropriate times. One time we took mushrooms and he caught a glimpse of the moonlight sparkling in broken glass in the gutter which was to him at that time beautiful and poignant. I did think that was pretty silly, but in an adorable poetic way and I did not lose respect for him at all but did tease him over it. My last serious boyfriend I never saw cry even once, and we were together for five years which ended in the pandemic when he lost his business, his lifestyle, and finally his father. I'm glad it ended because even though I loved him that was a huge red flag. Crying sometimes is normal because we are all human 🥲

lol this makes sense.

wooow, you've gotten to see many different types. that last one is really tragic. unfortunately, that's what's either pushed on or modeled for us. i remember when i was younger and dating my now Wife, i never would cry in front of Her. i don't think She saw me cry until after we were married—i didn't understand how that was way way worse... i tend to feel things deeply, and never shared that with Her. of course, i didn't go through all of what you described for the last one... what did you feel during that time that made his lack of emotion a red flag for you? thanks for sharing all of that, btw~! :3

For the last one I remember previously think the man was insanely strong and could handle anything; because he had helped me through some really hard times in my life and was always able to handle any situation it seemed. But as that year wore on what I realized was that he had been incredibly lucky in life and hadn't really hard to deal with hard times himself before. Perhaps he thought by not crying he was not showing emotions.... But he was. He developed really explosive anger about extremely small petty things. I tried my best to be there for him and his family, but because I would acknowledge the sadness and emotional difficulties he started accusing me of thinking he was weak. So if I tried to help I got explosive anger turned towards me, and if I didn't help his explosive anger would turn towards our pets, belongings, and even his nephew at one point. The end was very ugly and while I am proud of myself for trying to be there for him, I am glad it ended because it wouldn't have gotten any better. Ignoring reality and then getting violent about those who don't is not a way to demonstrate strength.

Nope but it depends on the context…

omg. that sounds so scary. sorry you had to deal with all that... but i'm glad you got out safely. there is a deep insecurity within a lot of guys. and a deep fear of vulnerability. i could go into a long spiel, but you said it best here: "Perhaps he thought by not crying he was not showing emotions.... But he was." the ego is a mask. and an unconscious mind will do whatever it takes to protect it... again, thank you so much for sharing this part of your story <3

Thank you for your sympathy. The whole experience really taught me how strong I was because I could feel the hard feelings, then keep moving and doing what needed to be done to help the people I could around me. But it's a big part of why I stayed single since then 🥲 all we can really control is ourselves. The first step towards growing peace in the world is protecting peace within ourselves 🫂

it's all about context. Let me elaborate. When I was with my abusive ex, he used crying as a means to lure me back in. He used his tears to manipulate a part of me who was in-love with him. When he realised that I was that close of leaving him for good, tears was his only option. But empty promises whilst begging me to stay was the straw that broke the camel. I did not blame him for crying. Probably, he meant it or probably not. What matters whether his actions and words are in sync, I'd always go by with the behaviour. It is crucial to understand what the tears are for (crocodile tears or not) and to know yourself deep down (your boundaries). Are you being lured into submission (toxic violent relationship), use your emotions to manipulate/guilt trip you or is the person truly shows heartfelt remorse? There are tell tell signs to spot them but it is always subjective depending on the circumstance and the person involve. Hope that helps. ☺️👌

it helps a lot, Lady Mae. thanks for sharing~! you're not the first to mention manipulative tears. honestly, i wasn't aware that guys did this so much, so that's interesting to learn. good for you for protecting yourself and your boundaries. it's difficult to break a cycle of brokenness, but, as you know, it's not your responsibility nor within your power to fix someone else's brokenness—it's his responsibility. how do you feel about a man showing actual heartfelt tear?—from remorse, grief, or even joy or beauty?

thank you for your kind words. Tears or not, there will be people who will take advantage on you if you are not sure of yourself and your boundaries. Every part of us has some trauma that we all have to overcome and reconcile with. What is important as you said, to recognise it and break the cycle yourself. ☺️ As for men who truly shows remorse, they will have my respect even more. If they are my partner then I'd be more inclined to protect what we have. We all make mistakes, what is important how we learn from it (together as a couple), what we can tolerate (boundaries) and if there is indeed future for both of you (walk the talk). Showing remorse is one thing, whether one can learn from it by showing through their actions is another thing. Based on their behaviours going forward, you adjust what you know about that person or your partner. ☺️

well said, Lady Mae ^^

For men to even cry in front of another person would require intense and deep distress, a lot more than even crying by ourself! So be thankful that your relationship is close enough for that, because in my last relationship I would always hide my tears if I ever cried. It was rare to so do, but I would always hide them.

i wasn't always able to do this. in fact, i was no different from you in the beginning of my relationship. i think this was actually a disservice to my relationship and to my Wife because we can't fully love or be loved if we can't be vulnerable and show vulnerability. View quoted note → also, one doesn't have to be in distress to cry—it can happen from beauty and happiness. thanks for your addition. :3

With the right one this is absolutely true, in moderation.

Nearly every man you know has either directly experienced or witnessed this, not to mention messaging they get from society about it. Even when you hear women say they find it endearing when men are vulnerable, it's often still framed as a way of him displaying strength. He's "strong enough to be honest with his emotions or cry". If he's not emotionally expressive enough at the right times, he's "insecure in his masculinity (not strong)". It's also often with a backdrop of "it's special because he doesn't normally open up like that" aka he has to be strong 90% of the time otherwise instead of appreciate his rare vulnerability she'd be "man keeping" of he'd be "making her his therapist/mom". Women not being able to understand or empathize with this is similar to men not being able to understand the fears women have around safety or societies expectations about beauty and other feminine performance. Because they haven't experienced it, it's hard to imagine the magnitude of it and how it impacts your thinking and behavior.

everything in moderation, including moderation :3

empathy for each other really is important in a relationship. if you don't care to try and understand—or aren't even curious—how your partner is experiencing things, then you've got a lot of growing up to do. but i do think most women feel like @librekitty was expressing. the problem with a lot of guys (myself included) is that we tend to avoid or repress a lot of emotions until we just can't. many guys can't even put into words what they are feeling, so it comes out unprocessed, unfiltered, overwhelming, and poorly timed. it's possible to be very emotional and also grounded. often what we tend to think is emotional restraint is really emotional withdrawal. i confused this for the longest. you burden yourself when you put all this overthinking into expressing emotion—"must be vulnerable," "90% must be strong," "must be expressed this way," "sometimes that way is fine," etc, etc. the best way i've found to remain steady is learning how to feel and process. great post, btw. thanks for sharing~! ^^